Gazing through the window at nothing, she goes

storming through her thoughts and memories...

​

Knowing she was not worthy of all she ever wanted,

she never expected it, so she always settled for what

she could get. And what she got was a lifetime of abuse,

in all forms, colors, sizes, shapes and flavors.

 

Meet “Little Ugly”. Always in the way, never good enough

for any one claiming or duty bound to love her. She was

literally the red headed step child of her entire family; sixteen

cousins, seven sets of aunts and uncles, two brothers, mother, father and a little sister.

 

She was told then and she is still told to this day that she needed to be fixed, but she never really thought that she was broken. “What’s wrong with you?” “Why do you think and feel to extremes?” They ask now as they did then. “Why do you have to be so different?”

 

“You laugh too loud and too long,

 

You’re too skinny

Too fat,

Too quiet

Too talkative,

Too dumb,

Too smart.”

 

“Why are you even here ‘little ugly’? Go crawl back under the

baseboard you came out from under, ‘cause you’re too honest,

 

Too blunt,

Too sharp,

Too much this or,

Not enough of that…”

 

Her mother tells her day in and day out; “Why can’t you be like

your cousin Julie? She’s a good girl. She is smart and religious

and keeps her place as a woman should. She is proper and moral.  But you are just not enough of what she is!”

 

She still hears their voices as they haunt her at her lowest times emotionally. She has great expectations of herself, that she can never live up to, ‘cause, after all, she is not worthy of understanding and respect. She must always accept whatever comes along, sacrificing her needs and dreams to

the will of others.

 

Meet “Little Ugly”, with no where to call home,

no way to get there even if she did. She has no friends to call her own. Even her children they say she is not good enough for, because she refuses to conform and capitulate to a religion of hatred, bigotry, and hypocrisy. Her spirit is too free as she dances naked in the moonlight at the pure joy of being alive.

Can’t have her immoral spiritual path taught to children, after all it might stop the children from hating, consuming and wanting to kill, kill, kill.

 

Meet “Little Ugly”. The no-good, lazy, worthless, male-formed, skinny girl with no tits that lives next door. Peculiar they call her, and she always wants to answer; “Yes, I am original, honest and straight up, mine own person to whom I must always be true…And don’t you ever forget it!”

 

Instead, she just hangs her head in shame and keeps her silence. She can never reach for the stars to achieve her dreams on this desperate trail of loneliness.

 

Meet “Little Ugly”, the one that does not fit

this jigsaw piece of a puzzle.

 

Not round enough

Not square enough.

Not thin enough.

Not fat enough.

Too loud

Too Soft

Too talkative

Too quiet …

 

Just never enough

Nor

Ever good enough.