Let me just say first that you are not alone as 1.3 million women in the United States are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.  Your abuser might be making it impossible to escape him by preventing you from accessing resources, getting you fired from your job, so that you feel you are forced to choose between staying in an abusive relationship with him or facing economic hardship and possibly extreme poverty and homelessness. 

  Our abusers are very good at isolating us from family and friends so that they are able to abuse us and we seem to have no way out.  But you really do have a way out.  You may need to leave like a ‘thief’ in the night, or while he is away at work and believes  you to be as well no matter how you leave, the key here is you need to get away from him.  Keep in mind you should never return once you leave; for the abuser will be very angry that you escaped his grasp.  If you have children, they need to see that the behavior of the abuser is completely and totally unacceptable.  Protect them by breaking the chain of abuse before it is passed onto another generation of victims.

  Find help by contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) or visit the library to find resources on money management and domestic violence.  You will find help, only if you seek it and you may have to ask more than once.  There is help out there, but you must ask to receive it, for your abuser will only abuse you as long as you allow him to.

  You are unique, special, loving and beautiful in ways that he can never be.  Close your ears to that internal dialog that has only his words for you to hear.  Remember that thoughts and feelings are NOT facts.  That is not to say that your thoughts and feelings are not valid.  They are very valid and the one reason you have to hold onto them in a positive light so that you will not have to live in fear ever again.  Facts are facts.  Thoughts and feelings are your perception of those facts.  Remember who and what you are, that you are a spirit of light and energy and have an inalienable right to be treated with dignity and respect.  As a human being, you have a right to live in love and light without the humiliation, pain and shame of abuse.

  You do not own that shame and humiliation.  Your abuser does.  Give it back to him, so that he can take care of his own dirty laundry.  You are important and needed as a human being on this planet for your input, and the effect you have on others, no matter what that might be, as you do have value.

  I like to look at it this way.  If you took a crisp, new $100 bill and wadded it up, spit on it, threw it on the ground, stomped on it, rubbed it into the dirt, and buried it for a day.  When you came back the next day to dig it up, it would still be worth $100.  The value retained no matter how you abused that $100.  So are you worthy and valuable no matter how many times he has abused you, knocked you down, called you foul names and rubbed your face in the dirt.  Like the willow tree, you can be BENT but never BROKEN.

  I have written a little poem that may help you when your hours are darkest, I hope it helps to lift your spirits just reading it:

Remember the Blue of Light

When you feel there is no hope at all,
That all you are made of is ready to fall.
When everyone is wearing coats of lies,
When truth and justice seem contrite …

Remember the blue of light.
That is the brightest in the night.
The universe will and does unfold as only it can
And no matter what, on your feet you’ll land.

When your spirit can do naught but scream.
And your nightmares become the dream.
The coats will win their game of hate
And love is not part of all they take.

Remember the blue of light.
That is the brightest in the night.
The universe will and does unfold as only it can
And no matter what, on your feet you’ll land.

Love is what will pull you through.
Love is what will allow you to continue.
When they throw you to the lions den
Expecting you to swallow deceit again …

Remember the blue of light.
That is the brightest in the night.
The universe will and does unfold as only it can
And no matter what, on your feet you’ll land.

  I have written you this letter in the hopes that it helps you to finally decide to leave his maniacal madness of abuse behind.  You will learn to love yourself again and smile and laugh with joy at just being alive.  Remember, ‘to thine own self be true’.  I love you unconditionally. 

Always,
)O(
DragonBlue

ps.  Here is a link to a site you might find very helpful:  http://www.ncadv.org/

http://www.ncadv.org/

 

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I have lived with abuse my entire life. Abuse comes in many flavors; sexual, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual to name a few. From the time I was five years old when it started and it did not end until I turned 43 years old, when at the end of my rope, begging for light to be gifted into my life as I was homeless, penniless and ready to die, I was able to break the chain of abuse. I left my abusers, every one of them. But because I was so numb to the abuse having experienced it all my life, I failed to see all the red flags that were screaming at me through every relationship. I did not trust my own intuition. I also never backed down, and refused to become the slave and door mat they required of me, so I was abused some more. All they did was cause a fury to rise that they were definitely afraid of, though I fear my fury more. I was/am afraid I would kill them before I knew what I had done. They all tried to break my spirit and take that light that shines from behind my eyes, but all they managed to take was my possessions and then they stole my children. Though it took three on one to overcome me. I still fight daily with the courts and my children's father, to have them returned to hearth, as he continues to abuse them the same way he did me. Abuse needs to be a crime as in a felony class 4 or 3, and not tolerated at all by anyone, as it breeds hatred and bigotry. The saddest part of all, is after all they had done to take my spirit from me; the courts, the cops, and these men with a black widow spider, all blamed and framed me for having done it to myself. Because I defended and removed myself and my children from harm, I was incarcerated for 60 days, and separated without contact from my children for 468 long, lonely, despair filled days. They won the battle, but I will win this war.

Love & Light!
)O(
DragonBlue