“My heart hurts Mommy,” says my then five year old
No support payments leave me homeless in the cold.

I call their father for help and all he can do
Is threaten not to take our girls unless I give in to
Signing temporary custodial rights over to him
Promising to return them when finances settle again.

When I asked for my children back, I was not surprised
He was suing me for child support with more abusive lies.
Two years before he cut my face and arms in front of them
Expecting me to take “I’m sorry” to make it all okay again.

“My heart hurts Mommy!”

Six years ago is when he took them with a promise to return
And has lied and stabbed me in the back as was his intent to burn
Me from the start for not bowing down in this battle of wills
Insisting I obey his every command AND pay his fucking bills.

“My heart hurts Mommy,” says my little one
That heavy weight soon came to weigh a ton.
He robs her and I of every golden moment
Claiming she should hate me for abandonment.

He stops me from seeing them for,  four hundred sixty eight days,
Four hours and twenty-nine minutes, despair he creates then relays
To them that he just wants to be my friend and cannot understand
Why I do not want to make small talk, and succumb to his demands.

“My heart hurts Mommy!”

“My heart hurts too, baby” I cry
into the empty halls of justice and honesty
It echoes off the cluttered walls with
portraits of judges and attorneys.


I scream the wail of one in mourning wishing I could die
Instead my soul empties when I learn he won’t let you cry.

When you are feverish and ill he leaves you home alone
Not caring that you need someone to be with you at home.
Because you are not his first thought or even a priority
Concerned only that missed time cuts into drinking money.


Never does he consider that predators
are waiting to harm my children left alone
Oblivious to anything but his selfish greed,
as he has no soul and a heart of stone.

“My heart hurts Mommy!”

Why does money buy him the right to
violate any we have to call our own?
Why do courts and judges decide abuse
is not an issue when evidence is shown?

Why can no one see he is NOT a nice man?
He abused his wife and now his children can
Be the slave and punching bag I could never be
As he assumes the position, to control them and me.


“My heart hurts Mommy!”


“My heart hurts too, baby,
and I am so very sorry.”